Thinner is different. I wrote a friend of mine, Leela, and told her that I had dropped 40 pounds. I was stunned to read her response: She said that she had never seen me as overweight.  I pondered that for a few minutes.  I never let my weight stop me but I am still experiencing the benefits of a slimmer body.  Who I am is the same, but different.  I can't and won't lie to myself or anyone else about this transformation or why I feel like its so worth it. 

I look back at photos and think...wow...I didn't even realize how much larger I had gotten. Well, at the height or should I say WEIGHT of it all, I did on one level but I didn't let it stop me from being "me".  

I love getting used to this new size and shape and being in charge of it.  And now, I'm even thinner than when I posed for this red dress. 

Before this diet/reshaping experience, I never felt like I had any real say over what my body looked like in the shape department.  I was not in control.  Some other force was in control but not ME!  My body was just "my body" and it was going to do what it did.  Boy, was I ever giving my power away in that area.  And, I also used to struggle with finding enough or MAKING time for exercise.  Really to be more honest, it was about GIVING MYSELF THE GIFT of exercise.   It's not that I LOVE exercising but i do feel more "together" in my daily life if I do my tummy crunches and stretches.  It's more about self respect for me.  The crunches only take a few minutes.  It's not a big deal but they do make a difference.  How we move our body and treat our muscles on a daily basis does make a difference.   I think I even see the beginnings of a "6-pack"!

I am still getting to know the new me that was trapped under 20% more body weight.  Yes, I shed 20% of me or should I not call the fat, me? The extra fat or flab was NOT ME.

I really like this new me and how she feels in a size 10.  I especially love just going to the store and "knowing" that I can wear almost any style I want.  i give myself more permission to wear sassier clothes too.   There are more choices in clothing when you wear a 10 over a 16.

I dress up more often now instead of just wearing sweats.  As a result of accessorizing (even if I am only working at home), I feel better about myself and how my partner, Al sees me.  It seems to take less time to look good, or maybe that the breakthrough is in JUST TAKING/MAKING more time for myself.  I take more time for myself to prepare my yummy foods, do my own personal care, and dress.  i am making more time to take walks with my dog.  I've really turned the corner in taking better care of myself and I'm still getting everything done.  This journey has me NOT RUSH through my food experiences.  I play with and experiment with my food on a daily basis.  I eat way more vegetables and do find that if I eat fruit and veggies that I am way less likely to be sidetracked by some random candy bar.  Last night in the the supermarket...I looked at the candy bars.  I picked them up and read the wrappers.  Was this dangerous?  I noticed that almost EVERY candy bar was at least 200 calories.  I noticed that the smallest container of ice cream has "4" servings and I used to down one of those so easily.  4 servings is 1,000 calories.  WOW!  It's so easy to eat that much and not even blink. I did get sidetracked with some red licorice bits which are 109 cals for 9 pieces but if I only allow the sidetracking once or twice per week it's not so bad doing it with licorice. 

When I am hungry, I eat.  I don't feel guilty about eating anymore.  That's a HUGE freedom.  I used to starve myself and not lose any weight.  Now that my metabolism has been reset to this level and I weigh myself everyday, I "know" how much I can eat nearly intuitively now.  That is a real freedom that everyone should be able to get to.  When and if I decide to go from 158 to 138, I know that I can do it and will reset my "new normal" there too.  But,...i don't feel that I am "ready" to go there yet.  I am still getting to know the new me.  I am sassier in a size 10.  I move with a new ease.  Yes, it was so worth it to let go of 20% of me that wasn't needed.   The over all big picture of ALL of the benefits of my weight loss truly is challenging to put into words but I hope you take it on for yourself as well. 

Just the mere victory over the past of no longer yo-yoing and dieting without seeing any results is so worth the time and energy. Food is NOW my friend.  My GREEK Yogurt is my ice-cream replacement.  I am happy with that. And the Greek Yogurt (Fage or Chobani) 0% or 2%, can be flavored anyway that I want with my Stevia drops, cocoa nibs, coconut or whatever.  I can design my own "Ben and Jerry's" flavor without the yogurt making me crave more.  Ice cream eating somehow does make me crave more.  I am satisfied with the yogurt. 

Gotta go eat...having pears and strawberries today for my fruit.  YUM! 

THINNER REALLY IS BETTER!  I've been wanting to write this blog post for some time but had a huge deadline to get my taxes completed.  They aren't done yet but I've made great progress.  Thinner REALLY REALLY is better.   In fact it is SO MUCH BETTER that really I shouldn't have waited 20 years to lose all of this weight.  Now, I look back at photos of myself from just last year and wonder: WHAT WAS I THINKING???   WHY was anything more important than my health and taking the time out of my life to really focus on this area.

I feel healthier, stronger, more confident and way more balanced.  I eat more often and way healthier than ever before.  and I LOOK SO MUCH BETTER!   I am still getting used to life as a thin person and I get on the scale EVERY MORNING without fail.  I learn EVERY DAY what the results of yesterdays eating and either exercising or not exercising amounted to.  

<===SEE THE FAT PHOTO!  I recently found this photo of me on my birthday 2011. (the one to your left) I remember that morning...in Palm Springs...trying to figure out what I could actually wear.  Sighing loudly and feeling really awful about how big I felt that I looked.  I put something on...and bravely went into my day.  But, it was a turning point for me because i was thoroughly disgusted with myself and how I felt all puffy and heavy.   I was even holding my dog in front of me so that my size wouldn't be so noticeable but that's NOT how I really wanted to look.  I was having a good hair day and my innate aliveness apparent here but...there's that word...but....I knew that I was secretly holding myself and my potential in every area of my life back with my extra fat, flab, pounds and inches.    THINNER IS BETTER.  Don't kid yourself.  You are important.  Your daily diet is important.  DID YOU HEAR ME or do I have to come down there and take that Hagen Daze out of your chubby little fingers?   YOU, don't need the ice-cream, the chocolate, the sugar, the pasta, or the bread even if it did just come out of the oven and smells so good.  And for God's sake and yours stop thinking you can drink diet things with Aspartame, Sucralose, and Saccharin and lose weight.  It aint' going to happen.  Don't make me come down there....Make a commitment to stretch your "taking care of yourself muscle" today.

I've found that I really really feel so much better on days when i eat two large servings of green veggies (not just salad greens) and two pieces of lower carb fruits.   I am not tempted to eat bad things and I feel full.  I regularly make the time for my meals and snacks.  This is really important.  And, I notice that my meal really begins with the preparation of it.  NOT just the eating of it.

Cutting the onions, putting in the garlic, smelling it cooking...are just as important in the processas sitting down and consuming it.  Don't rip yourselves off of the ENTIRE food preparing and eating process folks.  Thinner really is better. I don't feel like I have to be concerned about style or accessories or compensating for bigger hips.  I save time by just knowing that my clothes will fit and I will look good, period.

I still have places to go in this journey.  As in getting into the gym and really working out all the muscle groups.  A goal is seeing how to define my muscles.  My skin has a ways to go to catch up with my weight loss as well.  I spoke last Friday in San Francisco at Servino's Restaurant for American Singles on How to FIND DRAMA-FREE RELATIONSHIPS in 2012.

See www.MyDramaFreeRelationship.com I had it videoed and wore the red sequin dress with red striped hose and kicking red patent high heels.  Stiletto's baby. I FELT GREAT!!

Was I beautiful when I was FAT?  Yes.  And THINNER is WAY BETTER.  So if you are reading this and feeling all sorry for yourself because you just don't think that YOU can lose weight too.  STOP all that mental bullshit right now.  Let me kick you in the seat of your pretty pants whatever size they are.  You need a support system and you need to  MAKE YOURSELF and your LIFE.  Your HEALTH, your WEIGHT, YOUR SIZE, all matter.   

I let stupid things get in my way and stupid thinking get in my way for years. I shed 9, NINE, NINE inches off of my hips.   Get a ruler out and look at what NINE INCHES LOOKS LIKE.  It ain't pretty.

Don't you let STUPID THINKING get in your way either.  Get support. Make time for yourself.  YOU ARE IMPORTANT! 

Discovering new foods that I can eat and really enjoy is one of my most fun pleasures.  Ask me about Mega Green Kale Crunchies by Lydia's Organics.  Yum.

Let me coach you.  Answer these questions:  Why is losing/shedding weight important to you?

In what ways (lol weighs) is your weight/size holding you back?    What do you imagine might even be possible for you, your love life, your health, and your career if/when you actually shed the weight? 

Love yourself enough to CARE about yourself.  Okay, enough preaching.  Back to my dang taxes.  Let me know if I am getting through to any of you who are faithfully reading.  Post a comment or two.