Do you see how my mind works?  I am playing with all of this information.  And learning at the same time.  So Doc's website brought up some questions for me. http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm    What is my ideal weight?  What is the best percentage of water, muscle/bone mass, and fat?  My measurements are pretty balanced right now with my bust 7 inches bigger than my waist and my hips only 1/2 inch different than my waist.

And...I still of course can pinch fat on my belly, thighs and the top of my hips.  So, what is the right weight for me?  Should I start up the diet again and take it to the next level or should I wait a bit and enjoy the fruits of my efforts at size 10? 

I only remember being a size 8 for a short period of my life.  I just wasn't conscious about it before that.  And...I most likely was a size 6 before that.  But I do remember being 118 pounds in 6th grade because the school nurse said to me in an odd tone of voice when she weighed me.  "You're 118 pounds but if you don't watch out you could be FAT!  Oh the dreaded words.  Before that day, the word "fat" hadn't even entered my mind.  I was just a kid trying to do well in school and being well, just a kid.

But somehow, I never forgot the nurse's ominous words.  She said them like it was really really important but I didn't know if she was telling me that I was fat then or not.

My mother bought and made me clothes when I was in junior high and senior high, so I don't really remember what "size" I was.  I really didn't have a concept of BODY.   I was just "me."

I remember seeing my mom naked one day.  Sorry mom but I did.  It was a sunday morning and she was rushing around getting ready for church and trying to make sure us kids didn't dilly dally.  I had never seen my mother naked and only saw my dad naked once when I accidentally opened the bathroom door at the wrong time.  My sister will probably kill me for writing about this.  Oh well.  So, I see my mom naked and I remember thinking....she was soft, pale lily white, and though not muscular not too flabby either.  This image imprinted on me though because I just accepted it as "What mom's are supposed to look like."  I didn't think anything like. Oh, this is what I am supposed to look like or anything.

So, now at 54, it's now up to me to figure out just how I want to look? What size do I want to be?  Before this commitment to transforming this area of my life, I just accepted that I would probably always be between a 12 and a 16.  Being a 10 now for approximately 4 weeks shatters that thinking.

And now, having found my only natural food rhythm, a term I just made up for myself today. I know that I can maintain this size with the current food and exercise level that I am on.  But, do I want to be an 8 or a 6? What is the right size for my body? What will I look like at those sizes?

Back to this BMI thing.  The scale said that I was 24% fat, 60.1 % water, and of that , my muscle mass was 32.7 % and bone mass 3.4%.

Technically to not be considered FAT, I should be under 25 on the BMI scale, yet I do look good at this weight.  Could I look better? I suppose.  I will just ponder this whole issue for a bit longer because I would have to buy new clothes again if I change sizes and if I am going to do that, then I should go to a size 6.  I've never understood this whole size thing anyway.  I mean...what is a size ZERO? 

My partner, Al weighs 22 pounds less than me, and we're about the same height. I think that i have 1/2 inch over him but then he doesn't have breasts so what am I really saying here?   Ok, so I am rambling. Thanks for reading...the exploration will continue.  I am happy to have a new scale which I hope will be more accurate than the other one but we'll see.  Your comments are always welcome.  Join in on the conversation.  The real joy in this diet is "knowing" that I am in charge, finally, that "I" can choose my size and weight.  That "food" doesn't have any mysterious power over me.  If I don't burn off the food that I eat every day, I will gain FAT!  It's not rocket science. But, I do have to say that using the HCG -real, not homeopathic, actually gave me that freedom.  I didn't just lose the same old ten pounds, over and over and over again.  Dropping close to 40 pounds is a real life changer for me.  I hope that it will be for you too. There is no "going back" and thinking that I can eat two huge hunks of bread at a restaurant just because it smells good.  I like it. I smell it. I put some in my mouth but I don't have to swallow it. Period.  I rule Food, Food does not RULE me. she said emphatically several times in a row.  Join her now.  "I rule food. Food doesn't rule me!